During a Period

• Uterus: I hope you didn't like those underwear.
• Stomach: EAT ALL THE THINGS!
• Emotions: I don't care that you were crying your eyes out ten minutes ago, that was fucking funny. Now go act like you're high until I see something that pisses me the fuck off.
• Stomach: ESPECIALLY THE CHOCOLATY THINGS!
• Uterus: Also I've decided to act like something's constantly punching me. I hope you don't mind.
• Me: why can I not have a penis.